[Problem-Solving.]

Mar 26

- Mar 12

__________

14 days

‘til

unemployment

[Classic.]

Recent-life-happenings-that haven't-been-written-

anywhere-yet-so-they-might-as-well-go-here:

"Everybody grab a hoe. Plant your seeds and watch them grow."

-2nd and 3rd graders, performing a hoedown-themed number in their spring musical.And we wonder what's happening to the children...

At that same concert, there was a moment where I let out a shrill gasp. Why? The old leather-tanned, bikini-sporting, book-reading, 41st-Street-walking lady had arrived for the show.

In clothing.

And not just any clothing, but... [drum roll, please]... a turtleneck.

As an added bonus, she also wore giant bifocal granny glasses.

Then, post-concert, I just sat and gawked, waiting to find out which child she 'belonged' to. Brilliantly enough, it was "Herb", the show's star character.

The next morning, Halcyon, hungover on my apartment floor [6:15am] moans and announces she'll be requesting an afternoon subbing job that day. She texts me [6:45am] to let me know that plan has failed. In epic proportions. She was assigned to teach band, of all things.

All day.

And yes, recorders were being played in the neighboring classroom...! [8:26am]

The following day at the Emerging Artists show

[after an obscenely long conversation about overalls, several 'inside jokes' that were lovingly beat to death within the first 3.5 minutes of their creation ("CRAW!!!"), and my own performance of the kids' hoedown dance, which resulted in me nearly elbowing a 60+ year old man in the face over 27 times as he attempted to reach for the cauliflower tray behind me...]

A not-so-attractive man, fairly flirtatiously, responds to our boisterous laughter with

"Ladies... you're hogging all the fun!"

KP, in a way that was profoundly--yet somehow accidentally--suggestive, replied:

"You want some...?"

[Honestly, she, like, growled those words at him.]

Hilarious.

On Saturday evening, I was high-fived in the face.

Monday night was Date Night at the Diner for yours truly. It took an odd twist when we witnessed an older man go into the bathroom.

With his wife. And a waitress. And a chair.

Yet the wife, waitress, and chair all exited well before he did.

?????

After school yesterday, I decided to walk from my apartment to HyVee for three items:

1) Precious, via the store's Redbox

2) Baked goods, in order to calm the soul of one of my teaching cohorts

3) A bottle of wine, because I was about to watch Precious and blubber for 108 min.

As I trudged back down Duluth Ave through the mist, I ran into Lily and Jon as they were pulling out of their apartment complex.

You see... that's funny... because we have this running joke that I stalk them.

God must find it humorous, too, because such comedic timing couldn't happen without intervention... could it?

[Hmm... That one might need its own laugh track.]

I also mended my toilet's broken flusher chain dohickey with masking tape and a binder clip.

And yes, it IS still functioning today, thank you very much!

Now, before I leave you for a night that is all my own, please enjoy my favorite quotes from one of my students (think of Katie from the movie Horton Hears A Who).

1:

"Explain what the word 'diary' means."

"Oh... Diarrhea... Keeps you up all night."

2:

"Tell me everything you know about the word 'sugar'."

(passionately)

"You put it on Rice Krispies. It...... is...... incredible."

3:

[When handed three Mr. Sketch markers. Thoughtfully.]

(sniffs purple)

"Grape."

(sniffs blue)

"Blueberry."

(sniffs green)

"Broccoli."

(resniffs green)

"...Leaf."