I am not a thinker any more.
This whole graduated-from-college stint is really going to take some getting used to. Having been assigned things to ponder day in and day out since Kindergarten has really dampened my own ability to foster my own curiosity. I totally blow at it, actually. Instead, I find myself ricocheting from one form of mindless entertainment to another, struggling to figure out why it is none of it seems fulfilling. This idea of self-stimulated learning is new to me. I have very little practice and even less patience to learn it.
What is it that people do from here?!
Become engulfed in their careers because that's the closest replacement one can find to school? Then, hell, the pressure to find one that you can stand thinking about for the next 60 years of your existence becomes astronomical.
Create a family? That would definitely offer some purpose for my life... but the simple fact that I break out into a panic-induced fever, coupled with The Shakes, when even considering that possibility tells me I can safely say I maaaaay not be completely ready for anything close to that.
Find that someone? Great hobby. Too bad it offers zero control for yours truly, plus the obsession behind purposefully searching for that person would definitely make me feel like a ridiculously stereotypical girl. Gag me. I hate every moment I feel myself falling into that mode.
Wander aimlessly?
...
...
...
I might be able to live with that.
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