[Empty Pages.]

It feels like it's been ages since I last took time for a hard, thought-provoking look at life. The excuse is the same as it always is with us modern-agers: there's no time.

This full-time schedule has got me fatigued...

even though I've yet to teach a full week.

(Pathetic.)

Still, it amazes me the way we go about rationalizing this shift of focus:

From our big-picture lifestyle to our narrowly-focused careers.

From existence to To-Do's.

From simply being to quickly (exhaustively) doing.

Isn't there a way to find a balance?

Really, I think I'd be less on the verge of collapse if I were more in tune with myself. It's just so easy to lose that insight and perspective when the other side is adding pressure.

In all honesty (and maybe it's just because today has been hard) I ease my mind by reminding myself (often) that the job is only temporary. One more month and I'll be free.

"Free" meaning "unemployed", which offers its own complexities--

ones that are typically much more burdening than waking up early.

The mere fact that I crave the comforts of owning my time like that suggests one of two things: 1) There's something wrong with the way the working world works... or 2) There's something wrong with me. More specifically, something wrong with the way in which I am unwilling to grow up.

But it must be a typical feeling for folks my age-- gap years wouldn't be such a hit otherwise.

Is it just some sort of naivete kicking in? Some idealistic notion keeping us 20-somethings on the move and out of the 9-5 stretch? Is settling into one's career a way of giving up on that notion and surrendering to the pressures of society?

Good god, I hope not.

...

But I'm not convinced.