[When everything you thought, wasn’t.]

As it turns out, I may have been mistaken all along.

Your care was a surprise.

I saw your emotions.

You told me once you could separate yourself from them, but I saw.

I’m sorry.

I think I had it all wrong all along.

Or at least, I’m left wondering.

I thought you were the one who needed the deadline.

I thought you were the one who couldn’t let yourself love.

I thought you needed a here-and-now.

Didn’t think you were at all interested in a there-and-then.

So I didn’t allow myself to swoon like I would have liked.

I didn’t allow myself to ponder any kind of someday.

If I felt myself feeling a’flutter, I knew I had to crush the emotion.

I convinced myself out of the relationship, when I thought it clear that was what was expected.

I guarded my heart fiercely because you were guarding yours.

Or so I thought.

I didn’t fall for you.

But could I have?

Had I let myself take another step…?

It’s too late.

It’s okay.

It’s just…

This is why relationships are not supposed to be just for fun.

This is why they ought never be taken lightly.

This is why two people need to speak their feelings.

This is why endings are so treacherous.

When can I tell you all the good?

When can I let you know how I thought? How I cared?

Or do you already know?

When can we heal...?

I don’t know the rules here.

This is a terrain even more foreign than the one we just left.

There is little of which I am certain.

I know I am sad.

I let you down.

I locked away my feelings.

Locked away the key.

Made it easy to leave.

I feel cruel. I feel regret. I feel…

Well, that’s just it—

Now that I’m allowed, I feel.

And wish that I would have felt before,

So I could know how to feel now.